Why I Stopped Wanted To Be An Actress
When I was a kid, there was nothing more I wanted to do with my life than be an actress and a singer. It took a while before I realized I couldn’t really sing but, I had already pursued acting through theatre classes and writing plays to put on for my family. Eight year old me HATED writing but, all the monologues I would find online were lame and I knew I could write something better. At the time I wrote songs, plays and screenplays. Eventually I started writing screenplays for web shows so, I could post videos on Youtube (I never did but, I think I still have the books). In my spare time, I was always trying to create something or learning every line to my favorite movies and attempting to act out the role I gave myself perfectly. Some of these movies were High School Musical and Hairspray.
However, over time I recognized there was a pattern in the roles that I chose for myself: they were all leading white women. Films like High School Musical feature black female characters like Taylor, who was more so in the background and did not have a significant part or any solo songs in the movie. After recognizing this pattern, I realized that I wouldn’t be able to fit a set criteria that had seemed to be set through all of Hollywood. There was just no way I could be anything in film or television but a decorated extra, the supportive best friend. Even those roles seemed to be scarce as only one quirky or hood black person was necessary per movie or tv show. I could wholeheartedly pursue acting and still not get the roles I truly wanted to play in Hollywood. However, I was still passionate about film and television and the only other way I could think to pursue it is to pursue writing instead. I changed my mind from wanting to play roles that were made for black women to creating them. The transition to writing full time was not hard because by then I had learned to embrace the ideas that I seemed to come up with so quickly and began to harbor a deep love for writing. I don’t regret this change of heart, as it has led me to cherishing other people’s stories and wanting to develop them the best I could through my own writing. Although writing became my livelihood, I may still pursue acting one day. For now, my dreams consist of being a professional storyteller.